The Vortex in Atlanta Proudly Displays a Wooden Penis

And it’s a family-friendly establishment!

The Vortex in downtown Atlanta is known for it’s crave-worthy hamburger that comes in various gut-busting varieties (Peanut Butter, Bananas AND Bacon!). It’s other claim to fame is the giant wooden phallus that patrons can rub to good luck. I chose not to, thus I am doomed for a lifetime of bad luck.

To make a long story short,  a customer bought the dick in Thailand and gifted it to The Vortex in 2014. I hope they sanitized it thoroughly. It soon gained notoriety and was given the hashtag, #dickofdestiny. Now, women and man can jerk it off in front of total strangers and take inappropriate pictures for future humiliation.

Other than the big dick, there’s a few more sexualized imagery spread through out the establishment — a few vintage pinups, 80s boxing ring girls and a few skin mags from the 70s.  It’s harmless fun and the locals enjoy the kitsch.

Mostly, the Vortex is a sports bar in a city that’s not into professional sports. Atlanta is all about college sports, especially the Georgia Bulldogs.

I wasn’t there for penis, porn or college sports, I wanted a burger. I just got a basic bacon cheeseburger with mac and cheese, and indeed, it was rather tasty. I think the place is known more for contagiousness and the over-the-top burgers like the Zombie Apocalypse, Fat Elvis,  Reverse Cowgirl and Coronary Bypass.

Ironically enough, the great comedienne from the Daily Show Michelle Wolf  was the playing the comedy club attached to the establishment that night. She’s known for feminist critiques.  No word if she rubbed the dick.

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