Get Ready to Get Your Balls and Vagina Felt Up More Thoroughly by the TSA

In an endless stream of bad news for the travel industry, the TSA is facing more pressure to screen better at security check points.

We knew that fake bombs were making it through, which lead for a complete overhaul of the system. Now, an internal audit ordered by the Department of Homeland Security’s Inspector General showed that real weapons were not detected. As we know, there’s an alarming amount of guns confiscated by TSA. This mean much more are finding their way onto planes. Good times, right?

Mr. NRA can’t part from his revolver for TWO HOURS because you never know when he can spring into action like Liam Neeson in Non-Stop. What can possibly go wrong?

So because of this, we all will be subject to a more thorough body search. According to Bloomberg, Denver International Airport told agents that searches “will be more thorough and may involve an officer making more intimate contact than before.” Awwww yeah. First it was a tease, now agents get to go to third base legally. Might as well give a prostate exam while you’re down there.

“I would say people who in the past would have gotten a pat-down that wasn’t involved will notice that the [new] pat-down is more involved,” said TSA spokesman Bruce Anderson.

As the story points out, screening protocols vary by airport, terminals and even what line you’re on. This has been going on for years — one line people are taking off their shoes, the other they keep them on.

As a final button on this story, President 45 wants TSA’s budget to be cut to pay for that stupid wall.

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