You Don’t Need This — The Beer Bike Tour

If you live in or near a major metropolis, you’re bound to find tourist transportation in various forms. You have the open-top sightseeing buses, the bike tour and the dork-tastic segway tours. Hey, at least they found a decent use for those things.

If you’re into beer like me, you have the most idiotic of all the tourist vehicles, the beer bike or trolley. It’s those eight-ten seater pedal vehicles you’ll see in cities usually being used by drunk dudes and led by some idiot tour guide playing music a 12-year old girl would listen to. The bikes go to bar to bar where the riders drink unresponsibility and will probably puke after two hours. If you’re invited to a bachelor/bachelorette party that hired one of these things, I hope you turn them down and loose the wedding invitation. Also, if you drive by them in your car, resist the temptation to drive them off the road.

I bring these contraptions up because the forward-thinking city of Amsterdam have banned them. A 6,000-signature petition led to the ban that will go into effect next year. “We find the beer bike a horrible phenomenon. It causes nuisance. They are often made up of hen parties [or] groups of naked men or women with an inflatable penis. People are forced to flee when a beer bike with screaming people comes off the bridge. The city is turned into one big theme park, ” said Els Iping, president of the Friends of Inner Amsterdam Federation.

amsterdam

The thinking in Amsterdam is simple — the streets are narrow and made for single occupant bikes, not these behemoths. I’ve seen them in Prague, where the streets are mostly cobblestones. Combine that with a few boots of pilsner and you get the trip to the hospital you deserve.

Besides the inherent douche-dom that comes with booking one of these tours, you can easy book a beer tour by van or just plan out ahead of time. Depending on your time and budget, the beer tours via van saves you time since it’s on a schedule and money without having to pay a taxi or uber three or four times. Even better, the beer and tip comes with the price. I’ve done it in Seattle, where the breweries are spread around outside the city limits.

 

 

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