Consider This: Sanitizing Wipes (a.k.a. Butt Wipes)

cottonnelle butt wipesThis will be the best travel advice I give you, beyond where to go, drink, eat and so on and so forth.

You need to take care of your ass when you travel. Travel size packets of butt wipes is an essential item when I pack. They also go by the name sanitizing wipes, baby wipes, flushable cleansing clothes, moist wipes and sensitive wipes.

As a citizen of the world, I put my heart and soul behind the fact that the United States of America makes the best toilet paper in the world. We take care of our own … our own asses.

Twice I’ve been away from the U.S. for more than a month. Both times, I’ve told people in this order, “I miss my bed and I miss quality toilet paper.” The third is mass quantities of drip coffee.

butt-wipes-feminine-needsFor some reason, toilet paper around the world is shit (pardon the pun). Either they find it wasteful and not environmentally sound or they consider a dirty butt no big deal. In my research I came across this Guardian article from 2009, American taste for soft toilet roll ‘worse than driving Hummers’. The article states that the U.S. love of soft toilet paper is killing our forests and clogging our sewage systems.

Then a story made the rounds in NY about how the wipes are clogging our sewage. Yup, just another thing THE MAN wants to take from you. At last look, bidets are for the 1% and the French of the world. Until every American gets a bidet installed, we need the best toilet paper.

Let’s boil it down my friend, a clean and irritation free booty will make your travels stress free. Before I discovered butt wipes, I would be trying to rub my behind nonchalantly or it would feel a little swampy back there.

Along came the butt wipe. It does in one swipe what toilet paper does in five. Not to go into detail, it gets the job done, makes you feel fresh and leaves you feeling like you can take on the world.

A travel size of 10 from Scotts, Cottonelle, Kleenex or store-made brand will cost you  $1.99. You can pack one or two in your dopp kit and bring it in your bag when you’re out an about abroad. Every drug store and big box retailer will carry them in their travel/trail/sample section.

I can’t stress enough to buy them. Just don’t stock up on them from Costco, Sam’s Club or BJs, they’ll get dried out if you store them for over a year.

If it causes the end of the world, so be it. Your clean, happy ass will thank you.

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